A Helper Fit For Him!

 (Homily 27^th Sunday in Ordinary Time-Yr. B)

God didn’t make a woman out of a bone of Adam’s foot, so that he should tread her underground, nor out of a bone of his head, so that she should dominate him; but he made her out of his rib, which is close to his heart, to teach him to love her truly, as his companion. St Bernardina

     In these times when the sacramental bond of the Christian marriage is under attack by many ideologies and currents of thought, when there are many attempts to destroy the inherent values of the Christian marriage and the subtle moves to redefine the family and its values, the message of the first reading and the Gospel passage situates us well into context. The issue of marriage is one we cannot afford to treat with scorn or refrain from, for the future of mankind depends on the family. And as such, let us not be carried away by the human desires and longings about marriage which many a times are self-centered and tend to lower the vision of marriage and as such drift away from God’s plan, rather let us ask ourselves a number of pertinent questions: what is God’s plan about marriage? (cf. Gn.2) What does Jesus say about marriage? (cf. Mt.19:4-6). The institution of marriage has its foundation in the will of God, and not on the desires and longings of man. In all, it behooves us to underscore that marriage calls for moral commitment, especially in this age when marriage is under attack, let us hold on to God’s original plan, as emphasized by Jesus in the Gospel. We cannot but affirm that marriage as intended by God in creation can never be equated with its social institutionalization.

     The first reading (Gn. 2:18-24) starts with words of concern from God towards man “it is not good that he should be alone”. God said: “I will make him a helper fit for him”, this entails that they are equal in dignity. Here God can be seen as a Connector, a Communion-builder. Indeed, the beautiful words of St. Bernardina above expresses this in a fascinating manner. In the narrative as we read, out of the ground God formed every beast of the field and birds of the air, and after that he brought them to man to name. Man gave them names, but none of them was a helper fit for man. Then, God made man (Îs) to fall in a deep sleep, and as he slept, God took one of his ribs. And used the rib to make woman (Îssa), He brought her to the man, and the man said “this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man”. As if to say finally “God na now you come”. As such, the reading concludes with the divine binding force thus: “Therefore, a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh” (v.24).

     Existentially speaking, God in his providence intervened in the primordial solitude of man and in the same way; He continues to do same even today. No creature was able to fill that solitude except woman. The fact of taking a rib from man to create woman indicates that they are of the same nature, equal in dignity, thus, woman is not inferior to man; they should complement each other (complementarity). This is the original plan of the Creator. The original plan of God is not “Îs and Îs” or “Îssa and Îssa” (man and man or woman and woman), rather it is “Îs and Îssa”. Therefore, man and woman are called to form a communion of life and of love. Christian marriage establishes a union between husband and wife, a union that is superior to every other union of love, “for this a man shall leave his father and mother…” (Gn.2:24; Mk. 10:7). Secondly, it makes the two to be intimately involved, “and the two will become one flesh” (Gn.2:24; Mk. 10:6). This is not merely a physical union, because in biblical language, “flesh” in Hebrew signifies the person in his totality, body and spirit. Above all else, however, the main thrust of this passage from the book of Genesis is by no means geared towards the subordination of women, rather her complementarity with man. Unlike the animals, she is a real consort, a helper fit for him

     In the gospel (Mk. 10:2-16) Jesus reaffirms the indissolubility of marriage, when the Pharisees came to test him by asking “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He asked them what Moses commanded them. They immediately answered that “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to put her away”. In the mosaic law it was only the man that can give the woman a certificate of divorce (cf. Deut. 24:1). Moses had a very good reason to prescribe that law, because before and after the law, men had been accustomed to send their wives away for the smallest reason (badly cooked meal, sickness, disagreement, having fallen in love etc.), as a result Moses had to put them under the obligation of a formal dismissal letter to protect to some extent the right of women. However, one may ask: what of if the wife finds something against the husband, can she also write a bill of divorce and hand it over to him? But unfortunately, this was not stated. Interestingly, while addressing this hydra-headed issue, Jesus did not deny this mosaic law which gives a man the right to divorce his wife. But He did not get himself entangled with it, rather He pointed out that the mosaic law on divorce is as a result of their hardness of heart, and hardness of heart here indicates a stubborn and hardened conscience bent on willfully disobeying God. Jesus takes rather a strong stand and affirms that marriage should be monogamous, permanent and indissoluble; he made reference to the book of Genesis. This teaching of Jesus on indissolubility and permanence of marriage needs to be re-echoed in our society today, where divorce is gradually being seen as a normal thing. Marriage is an eternal covenant between a man and a woman (husband and wife) made before God.

     At this point, Jesus intervened reminding them that it was as a result of their hardness of heart that Moses gave them the law. Not only that, he went back to the original plan of God in the beginning. And what is that divine original plan “the creation of male and female”, which has a purpose: “for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. The fidelity of the couples to each other is a symbol and reflection of God’s faithfulness to His people, and the faithfulness of Christ to the Church. In fact, fidelity is at the heart of God’s name, He is the “I am” (cf. Ex. 3:14-15), and the name “I am” indicates faithfulness and fidelity. I am for you; I will be there for you. In the wedding promise, is as if the couples say to each other: “I am here for you, I will be there for you”, this indeed is at the heart of the sacrament.

     Afterwards, he gave them a sort of advice “What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (or let no man put asiri (gossip) under as some would jokingly say). The indissolubility of marriage as Jesus opined lies in the “totality and foreverness” of the commitment. And as such, the conjugal union does not survive only on the “Yes” pronounced on the Wedding day, but on the “Yes” that is renewed daily. A wedding lasts only one day, but marriage for the rest of life. Besides, after Jesus’ explanation, yet the disciples remained at sea, because they asked Jesus again about the issue. And in response Jesus made it more profound, that “whoever divorces his wife and marries commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (vv.11-12). Thanks however, to the intervention of the disciples, because in response to it Jesus introduced the novelty of His message on this issue. Prior to this time, for the Jews only the man can divorce his wife, but Jesus brought something new: also a woman can divorce her husband. This more than anything else reveals the equal dignity of the human person whether man or woman.

     In his intervention, Jesus raised the dignity of women to its natural level, and afterwards the issue of children arose. This is because in the culture and understanding of that time children like women lacked consideration. Jesus in the case of the children did not let the occasion pass him by. We are told that He was indignant (Jesus was angered over this unfair treatment). What did He do? He welcomed the children, took them in His arms and blessed them. Most probably, as some exegetes assert, those taking the children to Jesus are their parents. On the contrary, in our present time, Jesus is equally indignant over those parents that do not bring their children to Him. And from here arises a question for parents: where do you take your children to? To Jesus or elsewhere? If to Jesus their permanent blessings are assured. The presence of Jesus makes the difference in marriage and in the family.

     As we meditate on the sacrament of matrimony, let us prayerfully ask Jesus to help us rediscover the values of a Christian marriage and family: love, reciprocity, complementarity, understanding, forgiveness and foreverness etc. We therefore conclude with the following question or rather reasoning on marital love:

Is there anything more beautiful in life than a boy and a girl clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be any thing more beautiful than young love? Yes there is a more beautiful thing. It is an old man and an old woman finishing their life’s journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are wrinkled but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes there is a more beautiful thing than young love.  Old love. (Anonymous)

(Fr. Vitus M.C. Unegbu, SC)